Confidence: From Whence Does It Come?

When I talk with my 50+ coaching clients, we always seem to end up talking about confidence. And there is a reason. You can’t convince someone to hire you until you can inject into them a massive amount of confidence. You must persuade the hiring manager or hiring committee that:

• You are a good fit with the Company Culture.
• You are trainable.
• You are reliable.
• You won’t suck up their training and then leave for a better position.
• You are a hard worker.
• You have the skill set to do the job.

One must possess deep wells of confidence to give away such a big dose.

We all know this is key. Confidence is foundational. But so many of us job seekers have been pounded down by life that we’ve lost our confidence.

1. We’ve lost our primary job of many years. No matter if the layoff came because of lack of government funding or the mistakes of senior management, we still feel shame that we no longer are employed.
2. We are getting older and see kids younger than our sons and daughters in management positions.
3. Technology and society seems to be whizzing by us. We can barely work our iPhone, and then we find out we need a LinkedIn profile and a page on Google+.
4. Family Stress. Our twenty-something kid needs a job and wants to move back home. Our parents’ health is failing and we feel guilty if we can’t visit every week.

So, instead of the being our best earning years, the 50’s seem to grind us into an oddity. Like a special tool once used on an obsolete airliner, we are revered by the young for what we once could do, but they see no place in the toolbox for us today.

To all of the above, I have to say, “So what?” Do you think we are the first group of humans to face a setback? Our forefathers lived extraordinary lives, battling disease, famine, shipwreck, war, and wild animals. In comparison, we look like wimps to be complaining while we sit in our air conditioned houses sipping hot coffee and watching TV.

Now, are we finished whining yet? I think so.

Life is like a train traveling up the coast. You look out one side and you see the ocean, but cross the isle and look out the other window and you see the hills. Both views are factual, but one will lead you to waves and another to snow. When we look at the bad side of our lives, we sink deeper into our depression. But there is another view. I want to lead you across the isle, and show you the view from the other side of the train. That view will lead you toward confidence.

Who Are You?

The first step to gaining confidence is remembering who you are. Those men and women who lived on the frontier and struggled with bandits, blizzards, and drought, their blood flows through our veins. We did not lose that winning DNA just because we lost our jobs. We are humans, and humans, by nature, are fighters. We raise our fist against the storm and continue on until we conquer.

Remember a time in your life when you accomplished a great thing. Maybe it had nothing to do with work. It might have been in sports or music, or perhaps it was that perfect speech you gave your teenager one night when she doubted her worth. You are that same person. Think about who you are.

Move

The next step toward confidence is to get up and move. Physical movement brings a sense of accomplishment, not to mention all the health benefits. Our bodies were designed to move. Walking aids in digestion, helps regulate weight, and it releases all kinds of good hormones to upgrade our mood.

We need exercise. Start slowly, consult a physician if you have some issues. But move. Walk around the block, do some mild calisthenics, lift some weights. You will feel alive again. You will stand taller. Keep it up and your clothes will be a little loser. You will realize you have many good years ahead of you.

Work

There is plenty of work to do. You might not get paid for it, but there is plenty of work. Work helps us get out of the worry trap, and stop thinking so much about ourselves. When we stay at home waiting for a call to go back to work, we slip into the vortex of anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. Each day we get sucked in deeper. Get out!

Get on the phone and call the folks in your network. Go out of your way to help them. If you can provide a referral, a bit of  valuable knowledge, or some guidance, you will be rewarded immediately by a surge in your confidence and you will start feeling useful again. Meet someone for lunch. But whatever you do, do some work outside your house. Interact with others.

Find an out-of-the-way place and pick up the trash. I used to live by a creek when I was 21. We lived on the edge of Ft. Bragg, NC. Deep in the woods, hardly anyone saw that creek but me. Still it brought me so much pleasure to bring home some the bottles and paper I found there.

Higher level work involves working for those who can never repay you. Visit a nursing home or a hospice. Read poetry or the Scriptures and comfort those in their final days. I was lassoed into this work by a friend, and I went against my will. But what a great blessing to me! I am the one who is paid each time I go.

Create

Mankind is a complex creature. Even when faced with life threatening crises, he is still a creator of all types of tools, art, poetry, music, and writings. Find your favorite medium and create something with it. One 70 year old man I admire forms hot steel with his hammer, then grinds and polishes it into gorgeous knives. A pilot I know uses a spreadsheet program as his canvass, creating time saving tools for businesses and his friends.

Of course, I think you would be best served by channeling your creativity into something job-related so you get a two-for-one benefit. However, you will be so much farther ahead toward developing your confidence even if you create outside of your career field.

I love to sing old Gospel music. (I’m a baritone.) It has nothing to do with my career, yet it’s so much fun. And performing in front of people makes me much more confident in an interview. And that is what we are looking for!

You are a human, which means you have an amazing heritage. Get out of your cocoon and interact with other humans. Move, work, create, and see your confidence level soar.

I want to hear your success stories.